i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
