is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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