she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
