I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
