If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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