i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He did a backflip because drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
