he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
