apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
