Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
