is your mom at the bar?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
