OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
