I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
