my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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