He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
