were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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