Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
