i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
