No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
