it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So vagazzling was a success
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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