I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
