he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize