I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
