End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
