The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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