toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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