Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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