you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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