I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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