I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
