My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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