Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
