i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
