I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
