Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
