It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
