The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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