he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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