He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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