I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
