And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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