What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
