Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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