He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
