I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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