I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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