but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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