do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
