Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
