God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize