i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
