Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
