Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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