You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
