I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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