I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
