lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
