that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
