Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
