you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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