I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
