I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
