Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
