Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
