i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
