Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
