Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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