Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
