This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
