Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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