I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
