So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
