dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
